How do you like my story so far?

Already it's very cliched! All you're doing is telling; not showing. Instead of opening a story with "My name is blahblah, this is where I live blahblah, this is the year blablahblah", open it by showing what's going on. It'd be better to start with the sentence "There were twelve bomb carriers decorated with the crescent moon-" and then add to it. make it more detailed and interesting! Good luck, though. You have talent, you just need to hone your skills a bit and practice. :)